Samuel

I can hardly believe it, but it's been three months since our Samuel was born. It's bitter and it's sweet, watching the little ones come to life before our eyes. My heart aches for my tiny Sam, just born, with his velvety little head, his fuzzy ears and shoulders, squeaking his little squeaks. But, every day brings new growth and new joy, so of course we all love to watch him change. This time around, my newborn experience has been marked with gratitude and enjoyment. I'm obsessing less and appreciating more than I did with Michael. I have loved these first few months of getting to know Sam and watching him grow. He has been a constant joy to us. We're just so thankful that he is part of our family.

He surprised us and came into the world three weeks early. I had mild contractions all day and didn't think much of them. Then, I had strong contractions all night and started to wonder if I was in labor. By lunchtime the next day we knew he was on the way. We took Michael to a friend's house and checked in to the hospital. In some ways the labor was easy - I had long breaks of up to 10 minutes between contractions - but the contractions were very strong and by the time I delivered him I had been in labor for over 30 hours and had only an hour or two of sleep. The doctor broke my water at 8:00 and at 8:09 Samuel was born, perfect and screaming mad. (I was screaming a little bit too. I had a botched epidural, and by the time I delivered my legs were dead numb and the rest of me was not. Just like a corny movie, I remember yelling at the end, "Get him out! Get him out!" Ha!)

I am certain that no matter how many times I give birth, I will always be overwhelmed with amazement and gratitude when I meet my new babies. They laid him on my chest and he was smaller than Michael was at birth. He had a different cry too. His little head was perfectly round and he had a different nose. I was astonished by all the things that were unique about him, and yet he was so familiar. I felt like he had always been mine. 

He's a good sleeper, praise the Lord! He loves to nap in our arms, or in the sling, or in the car. And at night he will sleep for 10 or 11 hours in his crib and only wake once to eat. He's calm and patient. He's happy and he loves to coo and smile and laugh when he's face to face with us. He loves Michael and watches his every move. He loves music - especially jazz, which makes his daddy so proud. When we put on a record he sits up straighter, breathes faster, and he often coos along. He loves to snuggle. He loves to be naked. And he loves to be outside. There are so many things we love about him - I can't even begin to name them. But I thank God for everything about him. The child I prayed for. My sweet Samuel.

A few weeks ago I learned that my favorite teacher had passed away. The news made me sad - she had been dealing with cancer on and off for at least twenty years, and left behind many grieving friends and family - but it also got me thinking about what made her so special among all the gifted teachers I've known.

I met her in 1994. I was a quiet, lanky little freshman, new to my school, and not confident of anything except (maybe) my ability to sing. I came to her office during lunch to audition for her choir - her best choir. I must have looked like a ten year old to her (I looked like a ten year old to everybody) but I will never forget the way she spoke to me and looked me in the eye, as if I was another adult. She handed me some sheet music, told me to look it over for a minute, gave me a pitch and had me sing. At the end of the piece she looked over her glasses and complimented me ("Very nice job, my dear!"), thanked me for coming by, and told me that the choir list would be up in a couple of days. No wasted time, no fanfare, no fluff. Just a few moments of kindness and a fair tryout for a timid girl.

I got into her choir, and for the next few years I had the privilege of spending an hour in her class every day. I loved that hour. Because I got to sing and make beautiful music with my friends, yes, but there were so many other reasons. In the world of immature judgements and social games that is high-school, her classroom was a peaceful oasis. She just wouldn't tolerate meanness or child-like behavior. Everyone was part of the team. Everyone's time was valuable. Everyone's feelings mattered. I only remember her losing her temper twice, and on both occasions one member of the choir had disrespected another.

Her classroom was a place of consistency. Other teachers were funnier or more flamboyant, but her appeal lay in the fact that she was always the same. Fair. Honest. Straight-forward. Kind. Every day we came to choir was the same routine - announcements, warm up, chipping away at learning new pieces of music one section at a time. She expected us to pay attention and work hard every single time. When we slacked off she didn't let it slip. And when we did a good job she told us she was proud. And we ate it up. We, fickle, too-cool-for-school teenagers needed her consistency, the structure of her high standards, and the warmth of her quiet approval. We loved her for it.

On top of it all, she made it her business to open our eyes to life beyond our little town in northern Montana. My teacher chose music that took us all over the world - to France, Italy, the deep South, Israel, Africa, and Broadway. We sang Gershwin, the Beatles, and old spirituals. Latin, Hebrew, French, and German. And we traveled. She loved to have fun and she arranged for us to go on a retreat every fall and a tour every spring. We saw musicals, ate in good restaurants, rode ferries and roller coasters, laughed and joked, and all along the way we performed. I think she must have enjoyed spoiling us on these trips. I like to think that she was proud to show us off, and maybe she felt like we were her kids a little bit. She even pranked us once - the whole choir - by secretly teaching our parents one of the songs we were performing, and then having them run up on stage with us during a concert. We were completely shocked! She got us good.

These are only some of my happy memories from her class, and I am only one of hundreds and hundred of students she touched. So, it was no surprise that after her passing there was a huge outpouring of love and appreciation. If you had asked her she would have said she never did anything outstanding or noteworthy. But my dear teacher lived a quiet life of hard work, love, kindness, and fairness. And one day at a time, one person at a time, she wrote a beautiful story.

Samuel Randall

He's here! Little Sam surprised us and arrived three weeks early on August 18th at 8:09 pm.

He was a tiny little thing - 7lbs 5oz and 20 inches - born healthy, strong, and screaming mad.

It's been the most overwhelming blessing to watch our family of three expand to four.

All three of us love him to pieces.

36 weeks and dating my Michael

Friday morning I woke up to my weekly pregnancy update on my phone:

Congratulations! You are 36 weeks (9 months) pregnant!

Even when you feel 9 months pregnant it's a little shocking to see it in print like that. Over the last couple of weeks I've been doing a great job of nesting and checking to-dos off my list, but I haven't been appreciating these last days alone with Michael as much as I should. So, I decided we'd go on a date that morning - no errands, no chores, just me and Michael doing things he loves. 

When the heat index is 108* (as it has been here for nearly a week), nothing sounds as good to me as the nice cold mall. It probably wouldn't have been Michael's first choice, but on this particular day I decided we'd go to the fancy mall - the one with a carousel, and a pet store, and a Disney store, and fountains and a giant fish tank - so I knew he'd be happy. Also, I had birthday money from my parents burning a hole in my pocket, and the fancy mall has the closest Anthro, so that settled it. We put on our fancy mall clothes and off we went. 

We were only there for two hours, and I didn't buy Michael anything but a pinkberry, but we had a great time. He took his sweet time and chose just the right animal to ride on the carousel (a frog). We spent 45 minutes at the pet store - Michael chattering away to the birds and rabbits, both of us fawning over a feisty little pup who looked just like my childhood pup, Patty. We tested the entire line of Toy Story toys at the Disney store very thoroughly. We shared our first pinkberry - good! - and rode the elevators. Michael ran along beside the stroller most of the time. I didn't rush him or direct him too much, I just kept snapping pictures and taking in his happiness.

Once we were back home I started to feel a little sad that this chapter is coming to an end. Most of the time I'm so focused on what's ahead with the new baby, I only feel excitement. But our morning together was so sweet and fun, and Michael has been my little sidekick for so long now, the realization that change was right around the corner made my stomach turn. Then I remembered that when I was a girl (in a family with four children) my Dad made time to do special dates with each of us. I loved those dates and they always made me feel so special. They were never fancy or expensive dates, but I got to choose what we did and the emphasis was on spending time together - going to the beach and taking pictures, going to an art museum, and going to the movies stand out as some of my favorite memories. 

So, instead of feeling sad I've made a resolution to start having regular dates with Michael. I'm hoping Tim and I can each have one special date with him per month - no baby brother, no pressure to get things done, no agenda - just enjoying some one-on-one time and letting Michael's happiness be our guide. It's such a simple concept, but one that gets lost in the day-to-day bustle far too easily. 

What Michael said

Michael: "Buzz Lightyear is sad, Mommy."
Me: "Oh no. What can we do to help him feel better?"
Michael: (He thinks for a minute.) "Take the blood pressure."

"He kicked me!" - With a big smile, feeling baby brother move in my tummy.

"Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Don't cry it's a joke!" - Overheard, joke-telling to one of his toys.

"Bye Mom! I'm getting on the bus! I'm going to school to see my friends!" - Waving and carrying an Elmo lunchbox.

"Happy birthday song, Mommy. Coming right up!" -- He sings, dances from the waist up, and plays along on the iPad piano.

Pregnancy faves

During my pregnancy with Michael I took weekly belly shots, wrote letters to him here on the blog, wrote things down in my pregnancy book, and worked on Michael's baby book. Things are obviously different this time around. But over the last couple of weeks, I've been feeling the need to document a little bit more before our babe arrives and the two pregnancies permanently run together in my mind. (Documenting and nesting. That's all I seem to want to do these days. And eating ice cream.)

If I had written a 'pregnancy faves' post when I was pregnant with Michael the picture at the top would have looked so different. There would be a big deli sandwich, hot thai food, bagels with cream cheese, a dog leash and a picture of Ella's face, big comfy scrubs for work, my long coat that fit over my belly until the very end, and my favorite maternity cords that I wore out the winter I carried Michael. That pregnancy was all about comfort food and being cozy. This time cool and refreshing is what I crave. Here are a few of my favorites:

1 Tracy Anderson's pregnancy workouts - tailored to each month, they're effective and fun
2 Curel lotion - it's not glamorous, but it's inexpensive and it took good care of my skin the first time around!
3 Rosebud salve - my lips always seem to be dry when I'm pregnant and this heals them up fast
4 Iced tea - sweet and cold, even better when enjoyed on the front porch
5 Fudgesicles - the yummiest way I know to handle my mad sweet cravings
6 Peaches and strawberries - I can't get enough
7 iPregnancy - my favorite app for weekly pictures and info, storing information related to doctor visits, and counting down (63 days until due day!)
8 Old Navy maternity tanks - again, not glamorous, but they fit great and the price is right (I live in mine)

Three things

...about this pregnancy.

1. The first three months were rough. I found out I was pregnant at about 5 weeks. A few days later I started feeling really sick and tired. I never actually "got sick", but for the first three months I felt like I was getting over a bout of bad food poisoning - weak, sleepy, and nauseated by most foods. I lived on lots of cereal and clementine oranges and naps during that stage. And then, at 12 weeks I felt better! It was amazing how quickly it changed, and such a relief! I still don't want meat very much, but I've had lots of other (mostly sweet) cravings: peaches, ice tea, s'mores (with peanut butter), ice cream, strawberries, milk, hummus and greek salad, pizza, and popsicles.

2. It's possible that my memory is fuzzy, but this baby seems a lot more active than Michael was. I felt the first kicks at 15 weeks and they were strong! Ever since then, this little guy has been flipping and rolling and kicking almost constantly. I'm so interested (and a little scared) to see how his energy level compares with Michael. I thought Michael was active, but I think this one might keep me even more on my toes....

3. Once those first few yucky months were over, this pregnancy flew by. We've still got 9 weeks to go, and I can feel time slowing down a little bit, but overall I can't believe how quickly it has passed! I'm so thankful that the baby and I are healthy, and I'm thankful that I have Michael to keep me distracted from the countdown. I'm so excited to meet this little man and cover his sweet face with kisses.