Paris with kids: a glossary of terms

bistro: n. a small Parisian restaurant serving moderately-priced, simple meals that, according to guide books, are "kid friendly"; a place where a family can escape the cold while the kids fill up on baguette and water toasted and then gulped from wine glasses while mom and dad attempt to scarf down some local food before the kids get out of control and break said wine glasses

carousel: n. a quaint children's ride found in many picturesque locations around the city; a delightful diversion that may be used as leverage for a parent attempting to coerce children into participating in "cultural" activities or not acting like wild animals while dining in public; also, a tantrum waiting to happen if passed without stopping to ride (see also: two-year-old with jet lag)

dog poop: n. waste created by the numerous dogs of Paris and left on the sidewalk by owners who are too chic to pick up after their furry friends; found everywhere in great abundance including on the wheels of the stroller and the kids' shoes, and who are we kidding probably their hands too

Eiffel Tower: n. the only monument of any consequence in Paris, according to my boys; the ultimate "esclavator" ride for the two year old who will throw his hands in the air and gleefully yell "the Eiffel Tower!" whenever and wherever it is spotted, even after eight days in Paris

jet lag: n. temporary sleep disorder due to travel across multiple time zones; a two-year-old's dream come true, he/she will wake and demand food, water, stories, and play time at all hours of the night, find their demands are met by sleep-addled parents, then spend the daylight hours refusing to eat, arguing at every opportunity, and dropping off like a narcoleptic; this tyrannical behavior will go unchecked until the parents have recovered sufficiently to reinstitute some boundaries

pain au chocolat: n. puff pastry with a dark chocolate center; a common French pastry, if one could take a bite of heaven, it would taste like this; the staple of the child's diet while in Paris as evidenced by crumbs and chocolate streaks ever present on the child's face and clothing, and the erratic behavior that accompanies wild spikes and dips in blood sugar

picnic: n. a meal that takes place outdoors in an attractive setting, meant to inspire relaxation and well-being; with children will also include 10 minutes of incessant questions about "how many more bites" before they can go play, followed by a few short minutes of idyllic play that quickly devolves into fighting and/or injury with accompanying American-level outburst, and finished with complaining about the cold until mom and dad give up and drag everyone back to the flat for naps (see also: jet lag)

**It's not my intention to complain here. I love Paris and I love to travel with my family. I actually think the boys handled our trip well, all things considered! This is just me poking fun at what it's sometimes like to travel with kids. Or at least, what its like to travel with my kids.